I have been asked several times how I feel about the fact that my son, light of my life, will no longer be an only child and how the birth of our second son might affect various areas of Matty’s full little life. I am surprised that I haven’t felt that sad or anxious about it. At least not yet, perhaps I have a blocking mechanism at work in my brain. But as of now, I am really looking forward to the change in our family dynamic. I just feel like it is the right time and that our baby is what our family needs (please note that I am speaking mostly about Matty and the new baby and am not claiming that I am unconcerned or unaware of sleep deprivation, sore boobs and a chaotic household that will quickly ensue postpartum. I just wanted to say this so you know I am still kind of living in reality).

Matty may look exactly like his Dad, but the majority of his blooming personality is more like mine in that it’s his connection with PEOPLE that makes his world turn. Now he will be getting his own blood-related person to hug, harass, care for and share with. What a gift! What an awesome opportunity for Matty to learn to care for and watch his mom & dad care for another little life. I see it as my sweet and semi-spoiled first-born will get to learn some of the tougher lessons in life at an early age – that the world actually doesn’t revolve around him, as much as we have taught him it does (mistakes new parents make because we love them so much) and I think that is a good life lesson for someone as attention-blessed as he is. In addition, Matty will be getting a life-long, blood-related ally, which I found to be one of the best parts of having siblings. Through the inevitable fighting, sibs will always have your back.

I read a little while ago how important it is (psychologically) for kids to be challenged and to go through tough times because it is in these spaces where they learn, not just to cope, but how life works. As new parents all we want to do is shelter our babies from anything and everything, but it isn’t always what is best for them. As much as I understand and whole-heartedly agree with this idea, I have to be SO conscious of it every single day of my life because I think parental fears, based on our pasts and such, can really get in the way of doing what is healthy for our little ones. So, I am trying not to view this change for Matty through a lens of fear, worrying that he won’t feel as loved, etc., but from a deep sense of knowing that the change will be a positive one for him, despite the surface adjustments and reactions, which I am sure we will see lots of.

And final thoughts, even though I don’t currently have sad or anxious feelings about bringing a new baby into the mix with my 2 year old, I am absolutely TREASURING and CHERISHING every single kiss, hug and smile I get from Matty, like to a seriously gut-wrenching degree. Yesterday at Elephant Bar Matty randomly ran his hand from the top of my head to my chin, looked into my eyes and said, “I love you so much,” and I about died from overflowing love right then and there. Over the past few weeks Matty has been asking me to sing to him before bed like I did when he was smaller. I know he senses that change is near and after a long day scattered with tantrums, battles and messes, this is his way of connecting with his source which it that of just pure and unconditional love. I literally have to fight back tears as I hold his little 2-year-old body to my chest and rock and sing. As I feel him melt against me, little arms wrapped tightly around my back, warm little cheek resting right on my chest, it reminds me of when he was born and how being a parent is truly the most incredible blessing in the world.