I am the queen bee of expectations. This fact has made my life harder than it should be. Having great expectations for people and even more so of myself, sets the stage for frequent letdown and disappointment. I am thinking about expectations today because of a sweet and poignant morning moment with my non-stop energy ball of a 3-year-old. As I dropped my biggest boy off at school today, I was overcome with love and emotion for him as he held my hand into the classroom, then kissed his little brother and then me (on the lips!) and then hugged me tight and said, “Love ya, Mom. Come get me soon.” This was after a mellow, battle-free, love fest type of morning. I walked out of the classroom fighting tears because it was just the sweetest experience for me and to be honest, a rare moment these days. I was just so proud of his little self.

While making the quick trip home, I was struck with a powerful realization of how I expect this type of behavior every moment of every day and end up disappointed and frustrated when we fight over everything from waffles, to the potty, to which shoes to wear and then brushing teeth. After surviving such a frenzied morning battle zone, drop off at school is followed by a dizzying wave of relief.

Last week a very wise and weathered mom of 4 amazing grown-up kids told me to stop expecting everything to be easy and peaceful. She told me not to expect anything except for my vision of a peaceful and mellow day to unravel before my eyes more often than not. After she left I thought, man, why is she such a downer? I am not going to let go of being a positive person; it’s who I am! A few days later and I am in complete understanding of what she meant, and as I combine her wisdom with a little traditional yoga wisdom of staying present, I feel like I can let go of some of these expectations that keep creating feelings of disappointment (and sometimes failure).

Having no or very low expectations of a day means (to me) that there is finally room for grace, and we all need a lot of grace. As human beings we are so far from perfect, and so flawed, but it’s within these “imperfections” that we grow and become gritty, strong, layered and compassionate. By imposing expectations on my kids, I think I could truly be limiting our range of experiences together and getting in the way of essential growth that needs to happen.

The best way I can think of to get out of my expectation trap, is to come back to the wisdom of just staying in the present moment, allowing my 3-year-old to be a 3-year-old, letting each moment, whether difficult or awesome, to unfold before us without judgment or expectation. I can then use the space I’ve created by not having expectations, to work on ways to get through any challenges we are facing. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised when I let go of some of this crap…at the very least, I know my son will appreciate having a little more space and a little more grace in his life.