Even though I had experienced a little nervousness prior to the first weekend of class, as described in my last post, I ended up quite calm the first morning. I had been worried, not so much about the physicality of class, but a little more so about the group and the group dynamic. What would it be like to sit in a class with 20 other people I don’t know yet? In a group setting such as this, I have heard that you get pretty intimate and close, both physically and emotionally. Yoga opens you up in those ways. So, my fear stemmed from the thought that I wouldn’t connect with this group. Plus, I so dread those “ice-breaker” games, and getting to know a large group because (and people who know me well, know the truth), deep down, I can actually be quite shy. However, as soon as I entered the studio and looked at the faces of my classmates, sitting on the comfy velvet chairs, drinking tea, chatting easily, I just knew it would be fine. And it was. It was more than fine. I felt like I was at home and the feeling just grew throughout class. On Sunday morning, the second day, I felt like I was meeting up with old friends to discuss and learn more about the common love we share of yoga.

What I love so much about yoga is the fact that it is so much more than exercise. On both Saturday and Sunday we did hours of asana practice and hours of study. My limbs were shaking and my tendons felt ready to pop off my body – I am really serious here. On Sunday, there were times when I thought my body would fail me. Ah, the mind…so powerful and such a liar sometimes! By focusing on my breath and sinking more into my body, I was able to do so much more than I ever thought I could. The most important thing I learned, which I already knew – but was somehow afraid that I would be wrong – was that I am truly in love with yoga. It is part medicine, part science and part art, and I just find everything about it profoundly beautiful, challenging and necessary. I can’t wait to continue with this journey.

Moving forward with the practical elements, I volunteered to assist my teacher in a yoga therapy workshop each Wednesday for six weeks. I am so honored and thrilled to be a part of something like this, but a little nervous that I don’t know enough. I met with my teacher today, and I am now obsessed with the back muscles and which yoga therapy techniques are used to alleviate serious pain. We are always told to strengthen our core to help our backs, but to get to the source of the problem, one needs to address a weak/tight psoas muscle. I found this entire theory fascinating and as we walked through our yoga therapy sequence for the class, I began to obsess about the healing qualities of yoga. It truly can be life-changing for people, all without pills and visits to the doctor. This is an incredibly exciting subject to study, for the healing qualities alone, not to mention all the other benefits. I also need to begin my own practice, which has always been a bit of a struggle for me, so I need to start slowly. I am committing to 15 minutes each day, as well as classes at the studio 3 – 4 times a week. There is going to be quite a shift in my current schedule, and I would be lying if I told you I didn’t struggle with being apart from Matty much more than either of us is used to. However, I know in my heart that yoga will make me a happier mama and open me up even more so I can give more to my precious love bug and my entire family, for that matter.

This weekend I begin my first day of Advanced Studies in Yoga, which leads to my ultimate goal of becoming a yoga teacher. After a year and a half of being 99% baby focused and 1% focused on my business & my personal life, I feel slight trepidation at the idea of paying so much attention to the much neglected elements of MY development. I fear I have lost the ability to exist in an environment outside of my little circle of 4 (me, my husband, my son, and our ungrateful feist of a cat). I haven’t really kept up with what’s current, and I have truly lost all confidence in my capability to carry on an intelligent conversation in a non-baby voice tone. I don’t trust myself right now, at least in the sense of the “real world.” When it comes to what a baby might need or want, how to whip up a really healthy zucchini pie or how to dance crazy to prevent a tantrum, I consider myself quite competent. Other than that, I fear I am what I would kindly refer to as a little behind the times. This has been best 16.2 months of my life, but let’s be honest, I truly haven’t ventured much out of the safe and cozy realm of caring for my kid, my hubby and my house, other than the occasional mamas’ night or day out, which, let’s face it, all we do is talk about our husbands and kids and enjoy a few glasses of wine – not exactly life changing, but oh-so-much-fun!! So, it’s time for this mama to leave the nest, just for the weekend, to delve into my passion, to commit to working on myself, to building my practice, to learning to not feel guilty about leaving my baby and to focus on this amazing opportunity that could have a true impact on my entire family.

I just really hope that I can rally with the other yogis there, and that my mommy-hood hasn’t taken or stalled my stamina, strength and the deep desire I used to have to really challenge myself.

Namaste!